


Wisdom Cries

by thecouchwitch



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Coran is true space dad, End of a Relationship, Implied Alforan, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-17
Updated: 2017-08-17
Packaged: 2018-12-16 11:54:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11828211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thecouchwitch/pseuds/thecouchwitch
Summary: Based on the theory that Shiro is a clone replacement, and Keith knows but the clone doesn't.Keith has been distant from Shiro ever since Shiro returned to the team a second time. The loneliness and unexplained coldness from the one who once supported him the most has left Shiro at the end of his rope.





	Wisdom Cries

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much to my beta, Invisiblediety, and thanks to my friend Herdustisverypretty for help with post-beta edits and help with writing a scene I was struggling with.
> 
> I think Shiro is a clone and the theory that Keith knows is very intriguing to me, but also it's heartbreaking. As much as Keith loves Shiro and is desperate to be with him, I think he would struggle to accept a replacement, even if the original is dead.  
> Also I wrote this after the canon ages were confirmed, so that's referenced in the story too.

  
-  
  


When it comes to relationships, Shiro knows how important it is to never stop asking for consent. Nonetheless, it's hard not to feel like something is wrong when one’s better half completely changes demeanour, when they shy away from things they once sought out with gusto and enthusiasm.  
  


It's not a far reach to assume that maybe Keith is concerned about rushing Shiro back into full relationship mode before he's recovered, so Shiro decides to take the initiative. After everyone has gone to bed, he sneaks to Keith's room and knocks, intending to spend the night sleeping, or not sleeping, beside his favourite shoulder-blade burrower. He's been having a lot of nightmares anyway, of scalpels and injections and the sound of his own screams ringing in his ears. Having some company might ease that.  
  


It's not to be, though. When he knocks, Keith turns him away. He doesn't stop trying though. One evening he sneaks out of bed, feeling lonely and upset, desperate for Keith's touch or company, or something that might indicate he still loves him like before. He goes to Keith's door and knocks gently, waiting hopefully for that positive response that probably isn't coming.  
  


“Who is it?” Keith's voice calls.  
  


“It's me. Shiro.” He adds that as an afterthought, almost as if Keith won't recognise him if he doesn't mention his name. Keith has been so different lately; maybe he  _wouldn't_.  
  


“Oh. I, uh, need to sleep tonight, Shiro,” Keith says. “Sorry, but I'm really beat, we can hang out later. Goodnight.”  
  


That's it. Go away. Don't bother me. Shiro sighs softly, then turns around and trudges back to his own room, feeling quite like a rejected puppy that's just been abandoned on the side of the road.  
  


It's not the lack of sex that bothers him the most. After all, being tortured did nothing for his sex drive. He just misses the contact, the familiarity, the... Everything. He tries to be understanding. A relationship isn't all about physicality, and besides, Keith was never big on displays of affection. The amount of times he showed discomfort when Hunk or Pidge or a friendly alien touches him in an overly familiar manner was sign enough of that. It’s not like Keith is being completely unfriendly to Shiro. He remembers the touch on his shoulder and the kind words after Black rejected him as her pilot. But then again, the moment Shiro tries to go further, Keith turns stiff in his arms and excuses himself, hurriedly disentangling himself from his grasp. Even before they began dating, when the two of them were just instructor and student in the garrison, Keith never held him at arms length like this before. Before, it had been all Shiro could to to fend off his student's advances but now, now the switch is completely flipped and there's not even the excuse of military regulations and ages of consent to explain the forced distance.  
  


It's all wrong. Something is wrong.  
  


-  
  


Naturally, the adult thing to do is to get Keith alone and try to have a mature discussion about it. They're adults, in a relationship, and he ought to be able to handle it. Except, it seems he can't. Whenever he tries to think about bringing it up with Keith, he gets a cold feeling in his stomach, a tightness in his chest, and a sudden vision of Keith admitting finally, yes, Shiro's time as a prisoner has changed him too much, and he's no longer the man he loved. He's no longer a man that anyone can love.  
  


He can't let it go, can't stop worrying. He misses his boyfriend, and it's hard not to show it. More and more, he finds himself retreating to be alone, to train, to go over data of past missions, to just be alone in his room where he can have panic attacks in peace. Keith has been through a lot too, he tells himself, Keith doesn't need Shiro's PTSD-ridden self harassing him over their relationship and making things more difficult. Pidge, Hunk, and Lance don't seem to notice his increased isolation and inability to focus. They've always been closer to each other than to Shiro, they aren't around him to notice anything amiss. Allura is busy too, her training as the new blue paladin eating up any free time she may have had before.  
  


Coran is the one that notices Shiro's inner turmoil, surprisingly. He comes into the training room one day, apologises for interrupting, and mutters about checking something with a lot of Altean words before unscrewing a panel on a wall and fidgeting about with the wires and buttons underneath. The lights in the room dim and the electronics power down, so Shiro hops off the treadmill and sits down to get a drink of water.  
  


Coran, being Coran, doesn't stop talking.  
  


“So Shiro, everything going okay in paradise? I can't help notice that you and your better half haven't been sneaking off to canoodle on your little castle dates as much these days.”  
  
  
He asks it casually, in that somewhat nasally sing-song voice of his. Shiro nearly chokes on his water, shocked at being asked such a personal question out of the blue, and he laughs nervously once he gets the spluttering under control.  
  


“We never...! I mean, everythings fine... Just, busy, you know?”  
  


Shiro was never all that good at lying. Coran keeps his back to him, never looking away from the wire panel, and Shiro is thankful, because his face is bright red. “You sure nothing's on your mind?

  
As much as Shiro wants to keep private matters private, he's vulnerable and sad and lonely and he just misses having someone to talk to.  
  


“Uh... Well, now that you mention it... Did Keith, um, meet anyone, while I was gone?”

   
Not that he would ever think Keith would cheat on him. The team has thought him dead these past few months, so if Keith did met another guyit was entirely understandable. And if there was someone else, at the very least it might explain why Keith is acting so strange. Coran, however, lets out a laugh at the very notion.

  
“That's a hard negative, Number One. Our Keith's a bit of an introvert when it comes to new people, wouldn't you say?” The man stands up straight and turns, stroking his moustache thoughtfully. “He probably drove more people away than he attracted, while you were gone. Caused a few problems on the diplomacy side of things, actually, but no matter. If you're worried his affections have gone elsewhere, you have nothing to fear.”

  
Shiro looks down at his hands, squeezing the drink container, relieved, but also a little disappointed. “Then... It must be something else. Thanks, Coran.”

  
Shiro means to end the conversation there, doesn't want to gossip about Keith any more than he has to but Coran is not satisfied. He stays where he is, ginger brow furrowed in concern, then after a moment of hesitation, he comes over to the bench where Shiro is sitting, takes the spot next to him, and places an almost fatherly hand on his shoulder. His voice is unusually level and low when he next opens his mouth. 

  
“Listen, Shiro, you know you can say so when something is bothering you right? I don't want to intrude but the two of you seem pretty off lately, and... I'm no marriage counsellor but as the royal advisor I've been told I can give pretty good advice.”

  
An encouraging smile and a quirk of the eyebrows. Shiro swallows. “Thanks for the offer. I'm not sure anything can help, though.”

  
“Have you tried talking to Keith about whatever it is?”

  
“I'm too scared to,” Shiro laughs, exasperated at his own cowardice. “No wonder the Black Lion stopped responding to me, right? The universe is at stake, and all I can think about is whether my boyfriend still likes me.”

  
Save for Coran, (and possibly Allura as he's not sure how Altean aging works with those who appear to be teens), Shiro is the oldest, the most responsible, the most experienced. He used to be the leader of the team, he used to be the mentor for entire grades of students in a military school. And now he's... this. He's scared of needles, of doctors, of dying, of living, of tall shadows in the dark, of things that he was trained for and never had a problem with in the past. He's scared of being alone, of his own prosthetic arm, of the scars on his body when he looks in the mirror. Is that why Keith doesn't love him any more? Is it his scars? His phobias and flashbacks? His hair? His age? Did he decide that a seven year age difference was too much after all?

  
He feels a sting in his eyes, and he puts his head in his hands, working hard to keep his breathing even. He hasn't cried in front of other people since he was a teenager, and he refuses to now, not over this. He's twenty-five, dammit, he's an adult, a soldier, a scientist, a leader.

  
Coran smiles gently. “Did you know, Allura worries that her clothes have gone out of fashion? She's carrying the fate of the universe on her shoulders, and we two are the last surviving members of our race, but she's scared people will laugh at her for being ten thousand years out of season.”

  
Shiro can't help but let out a snort at that. “She looks fine, Coran.”

 

“I know, but she worries. We all worry, Shiro. We aren't weak people just for having weak moments. Little things can seem big to creatures with emotions, and that's normal. Give yourself some slack.”

  
Shiro sniffs and wipes his eyes with his human hand. Slack. That's not something he's ever given himself much of. Keith was seventeen when Shiro first realized his own feelings for him, and it made him feel like the worst person on the planet. How he’d tortured himself, considered resigning, quitting the Garrison altogether to go live as a hermit in the mountains above Yamagata or something. How he’d jumped at the chance to go to Kerberos, because it put some distance between them. And then, seeing Keith again, after a year of captivity, he thought he'd gone to heaven. When Keith, then eighteen, kissed him weeks later, during a quiet moment on board the Castle of Lions, he finally allowed himself some slack, and kissed back.

  
Keith gave him slack. He could relax around him, be vulnerable around him. Keith gave him permission to be a human with flaws.

  
“Then what did I do?” There’s an uncharacteristic crack in his voice and he looks at Coran desperately, as though the man has the secrets of the universe hidden beneath his moustache, as though the next thing he says will magically turn everything back to normal. “How can I fix this?”

  
Coran sighs and claps Shiro's shoulder. “If you've done anything, it's not something I'm aware of. You'll have to ask him yourself, I'm afraid. But a couple is two people, you know? He might be the one with the problem, not you.”  
  


“Like what?” Shiro almost scoffs. He’s the shell-shocked veteran, he’s the one composed of problems. Keith is the strong one, the naturally instinctive ace pilot, the one who picked up the pieces that Shiro left and glued them together until Shiro didn't even fit in any more. Keith has become all Shiro ever wanted for him, and it's left Shiro the loneliest man alive.

  
Coran leans back, arms folded across his chest, making a thoughtful noise in the back of his throat. “Well, you know. Duty... It's a heavy burden to shoulder, right?”

  
“Right...”

  
“Don't tell anyone, but I had boy troubles once, not unlike what you yourself are having. In the end, it all came down to duty.”  
  


Shiro can't help but look at Coran in surprise. “You're gay?”  
  


“Er, not sure what that means but if you're asking if I had a male lover, yes. I was considered quite the catch in my early hundreds, I'll have you know! I had admirers from all across the known galaxies!” A twirl of his moustache, his preens for a moment and practically sparkles with confidence before he continues, “But, I only ever truly loved one person, another Altean. And he loved me too. But he was burdered with a great duty, and even if we joked about running away to become wedded space pirates, we knew it wouldn't last forever. His duty, his destiny, was more important than what we as individuals had. So we had to end it. The one he married in the end helped eased his duty rather than hinder it.”

  
He smiles sombrely at Shiro, leaning forward in the seat. Shiro almost feels like crying again. “I'm so sorry, Coran...”

  
A cheerful shrug. “We remained great chums afterwards, not to worry. And even if I have my regrets, it was all for the best. But the point is... I think Keith might be feeling a bit like that man I knew. You have to remember, he's seen you die twice, and it nearly killed him both times. What happened to you is not your fault, but Keith becoming the leader has been incredibly hard on him, so perhaps he feels he can only cope with one or the other at the moment.”

  
Shiro does blame himself, because how could he not? How could this have not occurred to him before now? He knows it’s been hard on Keith, and he knows Keith has never wanted to even entertain the idea of becoming leader. He should have put two and two together, should have realised before.

  
He thanks Coran for the advice. The old guy is smart when it comes down to it, and Shiro feels better to have at least confided in someone, even if he just feels as miserable as before in a slightly different way. Coran jumps up, finishes up whatever he was doing with the panel, and leaves. Shiro leaves too, to go find Keith.

   
He finds Keith in his room, polishing his blade. Keith tries to smile when he sees him, but it's forced, weak, and Shiro's heart grows heavier with each passing moment. He wants so badly to run, to put this off for another day, but he's not going to get any braver, and time isn't going to make this any more pleasant. They need to talk, to pull the band-aid off in one painful motion.

   
“I love you,” Shiro says bluntly, “But ever since I got back you've been distant and I… I just want to know why.”

 

-

 


End file.
